Om nån minut så går jag härifrån och då ses vi nog aldrig mer.

Time has gone quickly. My day job ends for good on Friday evening. After that - emptiness. Or as I like to see things nowadays, anything and everything. I'm excited. There's a dozen of things that could go extremely wrong, but hundreds of things that could shape my life in the best possible ways.

The last few days have been bizarre, so to say the least.

I learned that if you don't have a corkscrew you might as well quit struggling while trying to open that bottle of red wine creatively and just smash the cork in immediately. I also learned that by doing so, the wine tastes like the music festivals you used to go to when you were younger. Awful.

Sitting in the kitchen, a law student from Bologna revealed that had he known how cold Helsinki is, he never would've come here in the first place. I told him I wouldn't recommend it anyway.

A certain canadian showed me what the rooftops of Helsinki look like from the eighth floor. And made me laugh quite a bit. And made me sound like a hard-core capitalistic asshole when we talked about world politics in the morning.

I love how some things, some people, feel inexplicably easy to be and deal with. Sometimes it's not as complicated as you normally would perceive it.

I got asked if I knew the rules of the game and I said yes. I got kissed on the forehead and I stayed the night.

Lust for Life is certainly the best way to explain how I feel right now. Collateral damage hasn't hit me or anyone else - yet.

On great finds and on being yourself, whoever that might be

Leftover pictures from the years 2010-2011

"Be yourself is about the worst advice you can give to some people. However, what I've seen of you, I think it suits you perfectly. You're a beautiful person. You think about life: yourself, people around you, what's going on in the world.

You take time to examine who you really are. Although you might not have found the place for yourself, you keep searching. You have the guts to say: I will never fit in here, even if I try my hardest. Do not stop. I think you are well on your way to being your wonderful self, finding where you fit, where you are wanted and most importantly where you want to be. The road there is probably long and bumpy, but take the most out of it. . . .

Take chances, you'll grow."

This and a few parts that I left out of the quote were sent to me on the 30th of July, 2010. It's been a year and seven months since.

I found the whole thing hand-written in my diary, or one of those diaries I tried to keep and failed miserably. I still have no idea who wrote it.

If you are reading this, I want you to know that I found your text at the most crucial time ever. Thank you.

Just to let you know, I haven't stopped searching, and I might've found at least one place where I fit and where I am wanted. And, like you said, most importantly, where I want to be. I'm eager to find out if London is the next one.

The road has been long but I've taken chances, I've grown. Sometimes probably in the wrong direction and a perhaps a tiny bit crooked but just fine.

I no longer worry that much about being the one that quickly passes through other people's lives. I have found that not all the people I meet and get to know are ones I myself am willing to pull back and I don't expect everyone to do so with me anymore. I guess it's just plain old life. I'm afraid of slipping into the mentality of letting go of everyone too easily and deducing that it's only fair, though. I'm hoping to find a balance in that as well as in everything. That's called growing up, right?

I'm grateful that you sent what you'd written. I think messages like that should be sent to everyone, since I'm definitely not the only one worthy of encouragement. The most beautiful, talented and wonderful people struggle with the same things. And I'll tell you, it's a hell of a struggle.

PS: Look what yours truly got in the mail today; "The Globalization of World Politics - An introduction to international relations". This is what I'll be concentrating on until I leave for Copenhagen, where I will concentrate on things that you concentrate on when you're young and pretty and alive and free and all those clichéd things.

Eton boys

The summer back when no-one knew anything

Since I only have personal and egocentric things to write down, I'm not doing it. Instead, here's a list of things I've been thinking about this past week and a few days more:

new chelsea boots, grown-up Eton boys, international politics, new dresses, new dresses, new dresses, romantic relations gone wrong, The Guardian Weekly, insufficiency, Cambridge, Cambridge, Cambridge and yet again Cambridge, books, new chelsea boots, horse polo, surfing, intelligent rugby players, Eton boys again, the 9 days I have until the plane leaves from Helsinki, running, food and Cambridge.

Like my all-time favourite quote says, I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion.

Me 5 months ago, a day before graduation / Me 50 minutes ago, a day after getting an interview for the world's best university

Shoddy webcam pictures, but oh god.

Me then: confused, young, lost, disoriented, happy because of the graduation.

Me now: confused, young, lost, disoriented, fitter, thinner, happier.

Helsinki-Vantaa-LHR on the 5th, interview on the 7th, back to Helsinki on the 9th. I'm ecstatic but afraid that by writing this down I'll magically diminish my chances of making it.

Dear Cambridge, you've already taught me what it's like to cry out of sheer happiness, I'm in shock and I like you a lot.

Tonight: some wine and a good time.

I'm so happy I can't breathe.

She's got everything to gain 'cause she's a fat girl with a lisp

Since August I've lost 5 kg off my body and 15 cm of my hair. Both measurements keep on growing.

Working is hard but it gets me money. Alcohol has once again become a friend to avoid, especially on Tuesday nights when three glasses of white wine at an exhibition opening are definitely too much.

The darkness that falls in the middle of the afternoon turns days into surreal moments, where I sometimes lose my focal point and everything becomes dark.

A friend left a few days ago to travel far South. Whenever I'm home I tend to slip into my white lace pants, to make pretend I'm already free.

Also, rule #1 which is no wine on an empty stomach is going to be challenged again today. My rule guide is now called Make This City Your Cushioned Playground Because You're Leaving Anyway and I intend on doing it right.