2012-04-22

Light-headed and aloof

A messy me in august 2011, longer hair, more flesh around the bones, someone I don't recognize that well
I usually hate self-portraits and I end up hating each and every one I've ever taken, except the ones where I don't look like myself. There's something so exceptionally vulnerable about the ones that do look like me. It makes me rather uncomfortable and they end up in the bin.

If everything works according to plan, I might be leaving Helsinki for a short while pretty soon. I finally did send that message where I said jag kommer and I don't regret it. Now if everything works out I'll be spending two or three days living with the boy who said that us living together would be an unbearable rollercoaster ride. Hopefully we'll see about that soon enough.

I don't have to go to work anymore tomorrow morning. I'll go for a run and eat my usual breakfast and lunch combined: a bowl of all-bran and a glass of OJ and then run some errands. And avoid collateral damage, which approached me today in the form of 1 missed call and 1 text message. 

I'm making myself used to a simple version of freedom, I guess.
Love, M at 12:44:00
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5 comments:

  1. Anonymous23 April 2012 at 02:13

    Don't you see how sickening the way you talk about your weight is? You're obviously stick-skinny in this picture too and still you're referring to yourself as someone who's fat. You either must have an eating disorder or you're desperately seeking for attention. Do yourself a favor and stop, because you're making yourself look like a jerk.

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    1. M23 April 2012 at 05:53

      while i appreciate and understand what you're saying, i can assure you that i'm not striving for attention nor suffering from an eating disorder, as far as i can see. for me, my blog is not a platform to desperately gather attention - merely a collection of thoughts and feelings, which is why i rarely think about the connotative meanings of my words. what some may perceive as proof of disordered thinking might be a poorly worded fleeting thought.

      i'm not glad that i've seemed like a jerk but am nevertheless glad you still follow my scattered thoughts. i hope these occasional blinks of bad judgment won't scare you away!

      Delete
  2. Anonymous23 April 2012 at 02:16

    (Which you're not. Be yourself, that is enough.)

    Ps. I still read your blog and thank you humbly for sharing my words a while back.

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  3. Anonymous23 April 2012 at 06:45

    mä muistan sut vuosien takaa pikkaisen pyöreämpänä, oon saanut kuvan että oot alkanu urheilemaan (vuosi sitten?) ja sitä kautta kiinteytynyt.
    koska tykkään sun blogista ja susta, haluaisin kysyä että mimmoisen elämänmuutoksen se vaati? kuinka sait karistettua ylimääräiset?
    kyllähän tiedän vastaukset yleisellä tasolla, mutta haluankin mukaan vähän subjektiivisempiä vinkkejä!
    p.s. hahaha, kylläpä sattu mun kysymys hyvään aikaaan (viitaten tuohon anonyymin kommenttiin.).

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    1. M23 April 2012 at 12:41

      tuntuu olevan kyllä päivän puheenaihe nyt, haha!

      oon joskus painanut muutaman kilon enemmän, en kuitenkaan ikinä onneksi enempää kuin n. viitisen kiloa tästä nykyisestä.

      nykyään juoksen aika paljon. tähtään mahdollisimman nopeaan 5 km, mutta taidan ehkä sittenkin olla enemmän kestävyysurheilija, niinkuin olin silloin kun uin kilpaa. syön leipää, pastaa, riisiä tai perunaa max. kerran/kaksi viikossa, enkä ole syönyt mitään lihaa noin viiteen-kuuteen vuoteen. maitotuotteet on myöskin karsiutuneet pois vähän vahingossa. roskaruoka on aika ällöä, eli en syö. limsoista en tykkää, paitsi ginger alesta ja joskus coke lightista.

      ja onnellisuus laihduttaa myös, köpiksessä laihduin pari kiloa viikossa ihan vaan olemalla ihan hurjan onnellinen.

      Delete

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