Something good can work/And it can work for you/And you know that it will

I've cried so much tonight that I think I may have overdosed on it.

I was brought up in a way that encouraged me to think that nothing was out of my reach. I've always had all the support that I've ever needed and I'm aware that I'm very, very lucky. Whether my dream has been to become an archaeologist or a musician, a novelist or a poet, I've always felt like I can do it, that it's just a matter of time.

Lately, I've forgotten it all. I've chucked it out of the window and replaced with I'm worthless, I'm ugly, I'm imperfect, I'm nothing.

Today, I received quite a crushing e-mail that made me realize I've gotten away with a lot and that I've gotten way too many things way too easily. I know that not everything is possible for me anymore. I know the dreams I so fondly carry with me today are not ones I'll achieve by standing straight and being sympathetic. I'm going to get bruised and rejected and God, that's what I hate the most.

I'm scared, to be quite honest with you.