5 things I am thankful for

1. The beautiful people I have around. The ones who tolerate my messes and dance to stupid songs with me. And pour oregano into my pint and share a pizza before continuing the night. And live in other cities and make me miss them and then come back again and make me thankful for all the luck I've been given.

2. London in September. I haven't kissed anyone near Leicester Square and I haven't been the drunkest I've ever been at a house party near Soho and it pains me to think that I'll have no connection whatsoever to the pavements I'll be walking on. But I'm going to be fine.

3. Copenhagen in under 30 days. Eating cheap food and drinking cheap wine on the balcony. And mornings that are so bright it hurts to be alive.

4. Being alive and breathing. I had a dream where a man committed suicide by jumping from the third floor and almost fell on me. The man died, I didn't.

5. I couldn't think of anything else but secrets and clichés.

Nightly note-to-self

Doing your admission postbac when you're drunk when you come home at 3am is really not a good idea.

Also, realizing that the rejection from Cambridge is definitely definite is a lousy thing. But after some time, you'll get over the fact that it's really not even that great to study alongside hot Eton boys and that not being from Oxbridge could be good thing. It might take some time.

Meanwhile, it's good to know that money is a thing you'll need while traveling and that you can't get by with 1000€ worth in cash and other supplies. So you should really stick with that day job you hate with passion. For your gap yah you'll need some money. For money you'll need to work. Only to get by.

And for the record, old times doesn't always mean good times. And that habits don't usually equal well-being.

Also, Paris isn't the end of the world. So you should stop whining about having to go to Paris next fall because it isn't so bad. Paris equals mystery and night-time adventures and you know that. You're being a cunt when you're snaring at what's been handed to you on a silver plate. You'll do great at the Sorbonne. And you should always have Le Marais as your back-up plan. You remember the tacky Lady Gaga-impression and french kissing in France. Back then you thought they were the best times of your life. People have worse back-up plans than that, if you didn't know that.

Oh, and you should stop being such a self-aware prick. It will do nothing for you; it doesn't enhance your wit, neither your beauty. It will do everything to destroy you and nothing to encourage you to be better. Get over it. And start enjoying. Because what you have won't last. It's all bound to change.